If you have no idea what I mean by “parenting style,” then you are probably better off than most of us who are bombarded with philosophies about parenting. Over the years, discussions have moved from Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles of permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, to opposing camps of Attachment Parenting and Baby Wise, to the loose descriptions presented by Parents magazine of planner, optimizer, and freewheeler.

So, do you have a parenting style? Do you follow a certain philosophy? Can you point to a list of tenants that you follow as you raise your children? Let me suggest that if you do, apparently you are in vogue. If you don’t, you probably have more common sense than most of the world seems to think is possible these days. It might be more accurate to say that you don’t follow an established parenting style—you just have your own!

Personally, my husband and I don’t follow any particular book, list, or philosophy of parenting. I have read a lot of books, lists, and philosophies about parenting, but, other than the Bible, I don’t hold to any of them completely. I have gotten good ideas, and have implemented advice from them, but I don’t “follow” any particular one. We have also gotten advice and ideas from other people, such as our own parents, which has been more valuable than what we have read from the “experts.”

There has been a lot of discussion lately about parenting styles, but I want to present my own suggestions for determining how you parent.

Parent your child. You do not have your friend’s child, Dr. Sears’ child, Gary Ezzo’s child, your pediatrician’s child, your sister’s child…you get the idea. Even more important is that among your own children, each one will be different. From day one I could see differences in the sleeping and feeding patterns of each of my children. Different personalities quickly emerge, different language development, different motor skill development—there are a lot of differences. If I cannot follow exactly the same procedures with my three children, what would make me think that I can follow the same procedures as someone else entirely?

I realize there are certain principles that can apply to all children, but there are some very specific ideas that go along with certain parenting styles. If you try to force things onto your children just because you have adopted a certain philosophy about parenting, you are not parenting your child. Use your mind, your instincts, your sensibilities, and your values to make decisions and care for your child. Your own parenting style must fit your personality, and your family’s needs.

Parent with your spouse. It is imperative that mothers and fathers be on the same page about their children. I think there is a tendency for mothers to spend a lot of time reading and researching parenting techniques, and they may think they are following a style that their husbands don’t know anything about! Mothers, particularly stay-at-home moms, do spend more actual time with their children. We have to make the day-to-day decisions about their feeding and other physical care. We have to implement the teaching and discipline that is needed. However, the values and concepts that form the basis for these decisions should be discussed and agreed upon by parents together. Some couples try to focus on spending time alone together and talking about something other than their kids. Sure, spouses need to talk about other things, too, but what is more important to discuss than their children?

As a mom, I need to be doing the same things with my children that my husband will do when he comes in from work. We need to have rules that are enforced by both parents. We need to have “philosophies” that are shared by both parents. I do not just tell my husband what he is going to do or how he is going to treat our kids. He is the leader of our family. If I try to control our approach to parenting and force him into it, I am simply not respecting the role God gave him when He said, “ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). God does not say that fathers take a backseat to whatever mothers want to do. He also does not say that fathers have all control and mothers have no say in how the children are raised. It must be a joint effort. I realize this is sometimes easier said than done—husbands and wives have different personalities that influence the way they look at raising children. But, if you have a good marriage, you should be able to figure out a way to compromise and work together for the benefit of your children. Talk to each other. Work together. Support each other.

Parent with confidence. Believe in what you do, and do it. You do not need accolades or lavish praises from your friends to feel like what you are doing is good. You also do not need to feel intimidated by people who do not like what you do, or who do things differently. Confidence in our parenting skills should not be based on someone else’s parenting skills, but on the results we see in our children. Are they happy? Healthy? Pleasant to be around? If your expectations for your family are being met, then who cares what someone else says about it? I do not need approval from others for my every decision because I have confidence in my reasoning, my instincts, my understanding of my own kids, and my Bible-based values which guide those decisions. If you are constantly seeking affirmation from others about your parenting, then you lack confidence! If you feel pressured to follow a certain parenting style because that is what all of your friends are doing, then you lack confidence! Peer pressure among moms? Yes, it does exist. Do not fall prey to it. Just because something is popular does not mean it has to be done. It might not be best for you or for your child. Do what is best for your family, do what is right in God’s eyes, and feel confident about it.

Parent with humility. Make sure your confidence does not morph into arrogance. You will make mistakes, and humility allows you to admit them and make changes. Sometimes we even have to admit mistakes and apologize to our children! We can show them the value of being humble when we are not too proud to say that we are sorry for something. Most importantly, we must maintain our humility before God, and be willing to confess our sins and ask for forgiveness.

Humility allows you to listen to other people who have valuable advice. There is a difference in trying to cave in to the whims of everyone you know, and in listening to those who have experience and who have proved themselves by raising their children well. Accepting correction, listening to ideas and advice, and seeking help when we need it requires humility. Parents seem to forget that we are not self-sufficient, and we do not know everything.

Humility will also prevent us from trying to force our ways onto other people, thinking that we have all the answers. If we expect other people to respect our family decisions, we should do the same for them.

Parent according to the word of God. The Bible has a lot to say about parents and children. In addition to what is specifically stated, the principles of God’s law should be lived out in our family lives every day—love, forgiveness, obedience, kindness, peace, joy. If you read the principles of a certain parenting style, and you see things that are contrary to God’s word, then you must reject it! All the experts in the world do not equal the knowledge of our Heavenly Father. Let me give you an example. One of the 8 principles of parenting on the Attachment Parenting International website is “Practice Positive Discipline.” The statements in that section clearly state that spanking “can create ongoing behavioral and emotional problems” and that any physical punishment is harmful to the child. God, in the wisdom contained in the book of Proverbs, says that physical punishment is beneficial in correcting a child and driving the foolishness out of him (Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15). So, do you listen to the attachment parenting gurus, or do you listen to God Almighty?

I realize that spanking is only one part of the overall discipline and training that we provide our kids, and I am not trying to emphasize that over other biblical principles. But this is an example of how the ways of human thinking are contrary to the ways of God, and we must not let ourselves get drawn away from doing what is right.

There are some good concepts in the established “parenting styles” that are promoted today. You may read the Attachment Parenting principles, or the “Baby Wise” book, and identify things that you want to do and that will work well for your family. But there is a danger in identifying a particular style and deciding that you are adhering to that style. If you develop a loyalty to a parenting style, then you feel obligated to follow it entirely. If you have a problem, you consult that one resource, and you miss out on differing opinions that are out there. You may even take the advice of the people who promote that style over the wisdom given by God—lots of people do.

Don’t follow a parenting “style.” Don’t follow the crowds. Just parent your child, with your spouse, with confidence and humility, and base it all on the word of God. If we spent more time studying God’s word than we spent studying the websites and books of men, we would be much better parents.

I know that teaching small children from the New Testament epistles can be a bit more challenging than teaching about events from the Old Testament or the life of Christ. Though we need to make sure that we make applications for our children from all Bible stories, when we teach from the epistles we have applications with no story! When you search bookstores and the internet, you can find plenty of coloring sheets and activities for a lot of Bible stories, but not very much about the epistles for young children.

Our lesson today was about 1 and 2 Peter. We are using the Shaping Hearts for God curriculum, so we did have a lesson with a few questions. The main points we focused on were obeying God even when it is hard, the devil as a roaring lion who wants us to sin, and the endurance of the word of God.

I made up a simple worksheet about 1 Peter 1:24-25. The first part is the verses printed out with some blanks to complete. Then there are 2 questions asked. The first one is, “What withers away?” and the second is “What lasts forever?” I had a few pieces of grass available, and I had a print out of an open book with verses from 1 Peter on it. The children chose which item went in which space and attached it to the paper (we used tape for the grass and a glue stick for the Bible cut-out).

I have four children in the class, ages 3, 4, 5, and 6. This activity worked well for all of them, so I thought I would share it here as an idea for anyone else looking for some help teaching 1 Peter! If you have younger children who do not write letters yet, you can just fill in the words for them. Just use the activity as a way of reinforcing what the verse says. Also, I recommend showing them where the verse is in the Bible and reading it from there first so that they see it really is the word of God!

Click on this link for the PDF of this worksheet:

1 Peter 1:24-25

Each child will need one copy of page 1, a piece of grass, and one of the Bible pictures on page 2. I just put 2 of the Bibles on the page to save paper when you are printing them.

At my website It’s All Homework, this month’s “Featured Site” is Once A Month Mom. Though I am not getting into full-fledged once a month cooking, I am really hoping to get several meals into the freezer to have on hand for sick and extra busy days. I think I can save some “eating out” money by having a few meals available that are easy to get out of the freezer, heat, and serve. I have always put leftovers in the freezer, but it seems I never have something when I really need it! So, in an effort to make freezing meals a more regular habit, I am trying out some new recipes that I found atOnce A Month Mom.

Here are links to the recipes I have tried that we really like:

Easy Ranch Chicken

Creamy Sausage and Tomato Pasta (To clarify, this recipe is on another blog. However, it is listed as part of one of the OAMM menus.)

Tangy Beef Stroganoff

All three of these were tasty and not difficult to prepare. The Creamy Sausage and Tomato Pasta made a large amount, and my family of 5 ate about half of it. Happily, I put the other half into the freezer, so I now have one meal ready to go! It’s a start, right?

If you are interested in cooking for your freezer on any scale, take some time to browse the OAMM site. There is a lot of helpful information about freezing in general, and these ladies really seem to have the experience to back up their recipes and tips. And if you are interested in trying once a month cooking, they provide monthly menus with seasonal recipes, and there are a variety of menu types from which to choose. I look forward to trying some more recipes, and getting some more meals into the freezer!

The kids are having a muffin tin lunch today. The first time we had one was almost 3 years ago when we were doing a unit about nutrition, and we found foods from each food group to put into our muffin tin. (The links in that previous blog post will now take you to choosemyplate.gov, because they use a plate now instead of a pyramid.)

We have had muffin tin lunches many times since then, and the kids really like this fun way of preparing and serving lunch. I have seen a lot of variations on different websites and blogs, including themed muffin tin lunches. Ours are usually just whatever we have on hand that will fit. I usually let the kids help think of things to put in, and we always have chocolate chips in one section for a treat! It is just a way to add some variety to lunch time. Here is a picture of our lunch today:

And yes, those are French Toast sticks leftover from JonDavid’s breakfast out with Daddy this morning.

If you have muffin tin lunches, feel free to share your ideas in the comments. If not, give them a try .

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Parenting is full of difficult decisions, some of which have to be made quickly. Many of those decisions relate to the discipline and training of our children. As we see their behavior, we have to decide how to react to it. Praise, rebuke, reward, punishment, teaching, explaining—all of these are things we do as we raise our children.

Sometimes I fall into a trap of just trying to get through the day. As long as no one is bleeding and the house is still standing, then we’re doing alright! But I realize that is not really parenting. There are a lot of people who can feed and dress a child, but that does not mean they are good parents!

Sometimes I need to step back and remind myself about the big picture, the long term goals I have as a parent. I have to focus on more than just the immediate situation and think about what I really need to be teaching my children. I am not just trying to survive—I want more than that! What qualities do I need to develop in my kids? A few that come to mind are self-control, responsibility, politeness, compassion…think the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. These qualities should the basis for the small decisions I make throughout each day—I should be improving them in myself, and teaching them to my kids.

Just the other day, my 4-year-old picked up a box of Froot Loops, spilled some on the floor, set the box down (he just wanted to see the pictures on the back of the box), and left the room. Now, the quickest, easiest solution would be to just pick up the cereal and throw it away myself. I could clean up his mess and move on to other things. But, what would he learn from that? He certainly would not learn to clean up after himself and take responsibility for his own messes. So, I called him back to the kitchen and told him to pick up the cereal he spilled. It took him a few minutes, and I had to step over it a couple of times, but he got the job done. And I made a small step toward a long term goal of teaching my kids responsibility.

I remember one of my children asking me for something, and when I said “no” he began to cry and jump up and down. Well, that is about as far into a “tantrum” as any of our children gets, because we just don’t tolerate it. I could have just given in and changed my answer to keep him happy. I could have just left the room and let him throw his fit. But quite frankly, those are the easy ways out. Those solutions would not help me reach my long term goal of teaching my children to have self-control, to be obedient, and to act wisely. Throwing a fit is rebellious and foolish. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). Will spanking solve the problem of rebellion and foolishness in a child? Many people say it won’t, but the inspired wise man says it will. On this occasion, a few swats to the backside put a stop to the fit, and I made a small step toward my goal of teaching obedience and self-control.

Just a note about teaching self-control—this quality is fundamental to being righteous. When children are allowed to have their way, get everything they want, say whatever they want, and do whatever they want, they do not learn self-control. We must help our children learn to control their emotions (particularly anger), their words, and their actions.

When we make decisions about parenting and training our children, we need to think long term. The small battles are important, and they all build toward our main goals—to raise children who are independent, productive, responsible, respectful, and most of all, godly. I think about what I want my kids to be like when they grow up, and I base that on what I believe God wants them to be. Then I remind myself to look past the spilled Froot Loops and make decisions that will train my children.

I am adding a new section to the front page of  It’s All Homework called “Featured Site.” I will be linking to a blog or other website that I find interesting, helpful, or just enjoyable! I just put the first one on there, and plan to update it at least once per month. I hope this will be a way for us to explore new sites and support other bloggers!

Last New Year’s Day, I gave each of my children a new wall calendar. They hung them next to their beds, and they look at them almost every day. It has really helped them pay attention to what the day and date is, and when a new month begins. They also anticipate and count the days until special occasions, such as birthdays or the day we are leaving on a trip. It seems like a simple thing, but they have really enjoyed and benefited from them. We have always had a calendar hanging in our kitchen, but they really liked having their own. I am definitely planning to make a yearly tradition of giving each child a calendar on New Year’s Day!

By the way, the ones I bought last year were from the dollar section of Target!

(Please consider this in the lighthearted nature with which it is intended )

1. You don’t have to look for those lists of school supplies at the front of the store. You just use the cheapest folders and pencils Mom can find.

2. No back to school clothes required. After all, the other kids are wearing your hand-me-downs!

3. No lunch money or packing lunches. And you can count french fries as a vegetable if you want to. Of course, you may have to fix your own lunch since there are also no “lunch ladies” and your Mom is always trying to make you learn crazy things she calls “life skills.”

4. Choose your own curriculum. You don’t have to “see spot run” if you don’t want to! However, you do have to learn to read and do math.

5. No doctor excuses necessary for sick days. There is no need to bundle up, go out in the cold, drive to the doctor’s office, find out you have a virus, and get a paper that says you can stay home. You are already home–so just stay there.

6. No early morning bus rides. Enough said.

7. No bullies. Well, if there are bullies, Mom and Dad take care of it in a quick and effective way.

8. No permission slips to sign. The phrase “field trips” takes on a whole new meaning for homeschoolers. And sometimes your field trips are actually in a field–you just never know what Mom will come up with.

9. You will be finished with your school work long before the kids at the public schools go home–plenty of extra time for doing chores. I mean, plenty of extra time to play outside. And you can make people look at you funny by being the only 3rd grader in the grocery store in the middle of the day.

10. You can convince your parents to do almost anything in the name of homeschooling. Want to go outside in the morning? Ask to take a “nature walk.” Want to have some cookies? Ask for a “cooking lesson.” Want to dig in the mud or play with rocks? Ask for time to do some “geological exploration.” You get the idea.

There are a lot of perks to homeschooling. If it is what you want to do and what you believe in, don’t let anyone talk you out of it. They just don’t know what they are missing!

Last spring I attended a homeschool convention in Cincinnati, and one of my favorite speakers was Julie Bogart. The most striking “bottom line” that I took from her talks was to separate mechanics from expression when teaching early writing. She had so many good ideas and suggestions, and described problems that I could really identify with, that it didn’t take me long to decided to buy her book The Writer’s Jungle. It is a whole manual/guidebook that I think I will reference many times over the next several years.I like her whole approach to teaching writing, and her book has helped shape all of our language arts activities.

I am implementing copywork for my kids this year, and today we did our first “Friday Freewrite.” I will probably talk more about those things, as well as our reading lessons, in future posts.

For today, I mainly wanted to share this blog post from Julie that I thought some homeschooling moms out there would enjoy: Beating the Homeschooling Blues (Instead of Singing Them). She has some good things to think about as we start our school year, and maybe to read again when we are in those long winter months and the excitement of new things has worn off!

On Monday our family toured Cascade Cave, which is part of Carter Caves in Kentucky. It is a nice area that is fairly close to our house, but that is the first time we had been there. Our science curriculum for this year has been about earth science, and the last lesson was about caves. Obviously a visit to an actual cave was a great compliment to that study, so we took off to see some actual stalagmites and stalactites for ourselves!

Our kids had never been inside a cave before, and this was a good one to start with. The tour group was small, so it was easy to keep up and to hear what the guide said. As soon as we got inside, Jacob began to point out the formations that he had learned about and seen pictures of. The guide repeated most of what was in the science lesson that my husband had taught them that morning, so it was a wonderful way to reinforce the information, both by hearing it and seeing it. He also included a lot of things that were not in the lesson, like soda straws and cave diamonds. We even saw a few bats way up on the ceiling! There is also a small lake of water that is fed by underground springs. We experienced total darkness in one area (and no one cried).  At the end we went into a section where there is an underground waterfall. The tour lasted about one hour and 15 minutes, and we all really enjoyed it.

Since this was a “field trip” for science class, I gave Jacob an assignment to do the next day. I printed out a few of the pictures that my husband had taken, and had him label each one–stalagmites, stalactites, columns, flowstone, blue-tinted flowstone that has stopped forming, soda straws, the underground pool, and the bat. I will include the pages in his portfolio (which we compile to meet WV homeschooling requirements), as well as a few pictures of him in the cave.